Day One

Sooo today was the first day of being “unemployed”. Geesh this is depressing. Let me see what is on TV? Nothing to sooth the soul like V:the Series marathon on Syfy. What is making this so weird is that I am used to being overly busy. With meeting and a To Do List that is endless that suddenly disappeared. Looking at my calender this week I have a webinar and a meeting tomorrow and that ends my scheduled week. That is unless I find something to do.

While I have often dreamed of sitting around and doing nothing, it was not suppose to be like this. Do you wonder what it would be like to wake up and have nothing to do… ITS BORING! In the last week I have run into a bunch of people that I know that are in the same boat as I am in. That is trying to navigate the wonderful world of unemployment and what to do. This is a crazy subculture of the world. While I thought I understood what it is like, I have no idea. The emotional, physical, and spiritual dimensions of unemployment is not very well understood until you are in the unfortunate position.

First off the wonderful world of Unemployment Development Department of the State of California or more commonly know as the Unemployment Insurance. This is what most companies pay into in order for the workers to have some income in the case of being laid off. That is unless you are exempt like many non-profits are (such as clergy). It is a time of waiting to see how much you qualify for and it ranges from $60-450 a week depending on what you previously made. While the application is online, it takes up to ten days with additional week until you get a check. Not to mention the numerous rules it has.

Second… What do you do with all your time? While I am actively pursuing funds to develop Front Porch, what else is there to do. Sure my wife has come up with a great list of things to do, so I am not simply lying around doing nothing. I can see easily how some people fall into a state of depression and not wanting to get out of bed. While I have a family to keep me going there I can honestly feel how some could become overcome with no motivation.

Third… anxiety. Where I am going to get money to pay my bills? Why should I even get a job when unemployment would pay me more? What is going on with my future? Everything at one time or anther has come into question. While it those times of weakness that creeps in and I freak out. The stress level has definitely risen as I have become consumed with micromanagement of our family funds. While we cannot say that we have the perfect marriage I am grateful for a wife and family that is supportive and attempts to deflect many of the feelings that I encounter from time to time.

Through all this and I feeling the need to start or be a part of a support group of some sort. A group that can be a place of support, resource, and encouragement. There is so much that I do know and am sure there are more than a few out there that are lost like I am.

Trust is a five letter word

¹When Jesus had called the Twelve together, he gave them power and authority to drive out all demons and to cure diseases, ²and he sent them out to preach the kingdom of God and to heal the sick. ³He told them: “Take nothing for the journey—no staff, no bag, no bread, no money, no extra tunic. ⁴Whatever house you enter, stay there until you leave that town. ⁵If people do not welcome you, shake the dust off your feet when you leave their town, as a testimony against them.” ⁶So they set out and went from village to village, preaching the gospel and healing people everywhere. (Luke 9:1-6)

It is easy to say that we trust or have faith in God. Saying it and living it are two completely different things. The past month has seen me go from two paid positions and one volunteer (with a hope of being paid) to simply the volunteer one. While the volunteer one is one that I am deeply passionate it has been a shake up in reality. How are we suppose to trust that God is going to catch us when we see nothing but the big abyss below. I will be the first to admit that I have had my times lately of self pity. Where I was ready to give it up and be a garbage salesman. Don’t know what that is… neither do I but that is what I clung to. Our nature automatically wants us to give us when our lives are not going our way.

Authentic faith is the basis for our trusting in God. It is by no accident that I was reading Francis Chan’s book Crazy Love this morning that read:

This place of trust isn’t a comfortable place to be; in fact, it flies in the face of everything we’ve been taught about proper planning. we like finding refuge in what we already have rather than in what we hope God will provide. But when Christ says to count the cost of following Him, it means we must surrender everything. It means being willing to go without an extra tunic or a place to sleep at night, and sometimes without knowing where we are going. God wants us to trust Him with abandon. He wants to show us how He works and cares for us. He wants to be our refuge. (p. 123)

Trust requires us to surrender. It means not holding onto our own plans but submitting and believing what God has for us. Though I may not see tangible evidence what is ahead… trust God. In those dark moments or self pity… trust God. In those times of wavering faith… trust God.

A New Chapter

The last couple of weeks have been interesting as I have worked on transferring the many tasks and oversight of ministries that I have been involved in for the past three years. This last sunday was my last official sunday at Word of Life. And in all transitional times I am quite reflective on what has happened as well as what I wish had happened. In saying the latter I was thinking of how I wanted to create programs and studies that would better help families. I dreamed of the day that we could offer parenting classes to the community as well as being a supportive community for families. It is not like I am the first one to think about what could have been, especially since the community and has such a need.

Anyways. The last three years have been one that I have had the opportunity to do things that I thought that I would never have the chance to do. When I first came to the church, all I was concerned with was sitting in the back pew. But through my experiences I feel that I am better person. Not only was I encouraged and supported throughout the ordination process but consider many of the people that supported me as family. When the trials and rigors of seminary and life became too much or too stressful there was always someone there to put me back into perspective.

I will always be grateful for the opportunity and freedom that I have had in the past year. With an dedicated team we reinvisioned the church. The last year we got to try a different model than a traditional church. While the results were not as amazing as our heads thought it would be, it was a great experience. The chance to be in a church that is willing to take those leaps of faith is invaluable.

As in everything, good times don’t last forever. What is the future is still very much in the air. For now I will be working on developing the Front Porch ministry of the Presbytery as well as finishing up (hopefully) the ordination process.

Thanks ya’lls for all the support. Not to mention the great spanish lessons and I’ll need to collect on my tattoo hours soon (or maybe not).

Pastoral Transitions

Having just finished seminary and preparing to seek my first ordained called I am left in a state of limbo. It is not like I have moved to new ministries before, but things are different now. With the rise of social networking in facebook, myspace, linkedin, and twitter it adds a new dimension to leaving a place of ministry. I was reading a blog by our PCUSA moderator that started me thinking. When a pastor leaves a church usually there is little, if any communication with the previous congregation. While that is easy to do when one leaves the area it is quite another when you stay relatively close (i.e. Los Angeles area). In order for the congregation to move to a new era of leadership and growth the previous pastor needs to distance themselves. But how does that work in todays day in age.

1. Does one simply delete, unfollow, or “unfriend” everyone associated with the previous church?

This sounds a bit harsh since we do create lifelong bonds with people in our congregation. Is it their and our tough luck? Whether you believe it or not, being a pastoral presence brings a bond between members and their pastor. Can that be easily dismissed. I would argue that it cannot be. In the world of social networking it makes it hard to simply shun them.

2. Do we ignore conversation with previous congregation members?

Social networking is a two way street and that is what is so unique about it. If I was to put a status update then inevitably there will be a comment to respond. Or in reverse something is going on in previous members life, is it crossing the line to simply say that you are praying for them? Where is the line in two way conversations involving social networking? Of course there is the big line that is encouraging them to start a coup d’état in a previous church.

3. What is the statute of limitations?

Do we blackball people for 5-7 years? Social networking is great with reconnecting with old classmates or even students that were in your youth group. What about members that use to be in your congregation? How long do we hold off “friending” them?

Social networking a pastoral transitions are in a new age. For the most part we need to use common sense, but there is always that person that does not have it; therefore, rules must be created. Unfortunately we are in a new day where COM’s and Presbyteries are still working through these rules. Too bad the rules will most likely come after something bad happens.

Providence, more than just a large word

There are those words in seminary that you see and scratch your head in wondering what it means. Then you scratch your head and wonder if anyone will even care if you know what it means. It seamed that happened to me many times in classes such as systematic theology. One of the words that made me go…. hmmm was that of providence. Apparently it is more than a place in Rhode Island. It has to do with the concept that God provides for human creation. To make it sound nice and that I went to seminary it illustrates “the depravity of humankind and the sovereignty of God”. In that God is all powerful and has a divine plan for us, it is our own free will that causes separation. That was a whole lot of seminary and now my brain hurts.

The point is that when we act in faith many times we say that we leave our situations or our issues up to God. But do we? If we truly believe in the providence of God then we will act or respond regardless of what the human eye sees. If we are in a situation that we need to act in faith, then why do we need to see a tangible rope in front of us. Of course that would be nice to have all the ducks in a row when we step out in faith, but that is not necessarily there all the time. I am often reminded of a scene in Indiana Jones that can be viewed here. Faith without action is not real faith. Many times we get caught up in what we can see instead of rely on God providing for us (aka Providence).

The world and journey that I on has to do with faith. While it is scary since I cannot see the tangible items around me sometimes, somehow we are provided for. The last couple of weeks at Word of Life we have been hitting on the theme of not being lukewarm and actually living out our faith.

¹⁵‘I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot; I wish that you were cold or hot. ¹⁶‘So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth. (Rev. 3:15-16, NASB)

Food of Champions

Prime Rib French Dip Sandwich

Last night Jenn and I double dated with Eric and Liz in Santa Monica. I thought we were going to try something that Eric was going to Yelp. Instead we ended up at a good standby. That being Houston’s. It has been awhile since I had been there since they closed the Woodland Hills location and me being broke/ cheap. What Eric and I always get there is the French Dip Sandwich and the Spinach Artichoke Dip. The only real problem is that it is on the lunch menu and not the dinner menu (the sandwich that is). But lo and behold it was on the dinner menu. I have problems spending $18 on a sandwich, but you gotta do what you gotta do. Houston’s is not a cheap date place by any means so it was on the low/ middle price range in food there. After getting harassed due to the fact that I do not go beyond circle of foods and not very exploritory, I stayed with the sandwich.

What is so great about it? Actually the question is what is not great about it. Imagine an awesome bun that is buttered and grilled. Then add medium rare prime rib sliced thin, a little mayo on the bread. With some shoestring fries that is seasoned so right.

So worth it.

Every Pastor Needs an Arch-Nemesis

A couple of weeks ago I posted on my facebook page that I needed an arch-nemesis. The response I got was that I need to love everyone and that Pastors should not have one. Granted theologically that is correct. But I would like to throw out a different angle. I was sitting in the church parking lot thinking about my past and where I have been led in this journey. It was always the “arch-nemesis” that pushed me to search within myself that forced me to be more than I thought I could be. That parent that thought that I was an awful administrator or the person that thought that I was not caring enough during a hospital visit. I am not saying that we need to look for someone to destroy us (as many arch-nemesis’s do), but perhaps we need to look to a more dulled down version of our comic heroes. In Batman, Spiderman, and X-Men they each had an arch-nemesis. Whether they were Green Goblin, Sandman, or Doc. Octopus. While there intention was to destroy our heroes, rule the world, or have wealth beyond the imagination. I would like to offer a pastoral alternative.

That alternative being pushing who I am as a pastor. No matter where you are or serving in a “perfect” church we will always have those people within the congregation. Someone that does not agree with you. I recall several congregational meetings in which were called in order to agree the installation of a new pastor. The pastor was great, but someone had to voice discontent. Not because the pastor was awful, but simply to disagree and being the voice of the discontent. Pastor’s run into them all the time. I had a congregation member that was not pleased with my sermons, no matter how good they were received or how good they were. Jokingly he would come up to me after service and tell me my sermon could have been better. Did he not know how well I exegeted it? Talked about the nominative pluralities and everything. What I have learned from these people is that they push who I am as a pastor to do better. While I may not like it they are put here for a reason.

1. Arch-nemesis push us to do better- Far too often it is easy to be complacent in ministry or comfortable in the position in which we are. A arch-nemesis is one that is always on your heals and does not let you become comfortable. As pastors it sometimes is easy to enjoy the congregational love and not want to shake the boat. The nemesis does not let us get too comfortable in our chairs.

2. Arch-nemesis force us into areas where we do not see possibilities- There are always alternative ways or something that we should be doing, but sometimes we cannot see it becoming a reality. Without someone to push us, shove us, or throw us into those directions we will naturally not go into those areas.

3. Arch-nemesis deflate our ego- Each sunday after preaching everyone comes up to you and tells you how good your sermon is. Even if it is awful and was taken off the internet. This causes us to have our ego boosted. The amount of positive reinforcement to negative is incredibly skewed to the positive. I have friends that keep my ego sane and deflate it, but we all need those people to keep us even keeled.

I can list those that have been my arch-nemesis’s over the years. Some I am more thankful for than others. They have been put in my life by God to push me and encourage me on my journey. Every pastor needs an arch-nemesis to push their status quo.

Call Vs. A Sense of Responsibility

I have spent the last couple of days in a sense of internal conflict. Some of the questions I have been arguing over in my head and those around me is where is the church’s or our own sense of responsibility for the church universal. While I do feel that I have a call to pastoral ministry and it have been mostly verified by the Committee on Preparation for Ministry, our Session, and by others. In Presby-speak it needs to be verified by the Session, Presbytery, and a “Calling” Church.

Anyways my definition for a call has been shaped by the words of Frederick Buechner, a Presbyterian pastor who writes, “The place where God calls you is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” The place where a GOD calls you and where the needs of the world meet is where our calling is. That is so true, for each of us we have our own calling. That calling has been put into us by God. Whether it is to be a teacher, minister, office manager, to serve others, be a behind the scenes person or whatever makes us glad. The place where our own personal call and the place where the worlds desire and need is becomes our personal calling.

Social responsibility is something entirely different but yet the same. It comes from several different passages.

Leviticus 19:18 “‘Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD.“

or

Matthew 22:36-40 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” ³⁷Jesus replied: ” ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ ³⁸ This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ⁴⁰All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Our sense of responsibility can also be called social responsibility. This responsibility also comes as mandate and a call from God, but is different than our own personal call. Social responsibility is not a personal call but a universal call. It was best described to me by my wife last night in a pretty cool illustration. She said if someone where to knock on our door with a need right now we would in our best way possible to help them. If they needed food we would help them to the best of our abilities. If they needed a million dollars it would be beyond us and would take a community to solve the problem. The Bible talks about that we need to aid and love those around us. Those that need someone to listen to them, support them, be a confidant, among a myriad of other things.

I am socially responsible for many of the issues in the world but that does not mean that it becomes my singular focus. Social responsibility is a broad focus while a personal calling is narrow. We need to balance the “other” issues that God calls us to while we continue to pursue our God given calling.

Wow… Where is my depth of faith

I am reading the book “Crazy Love” by Francis Chan and WOW. It is hard to describe the depth and simplicity that the book brings. Having attended seminary, we can talk about theology, TULIP, polity, worship, and a whole gaggle of other things but I was floored by what I read tonight.

“Lukewarm people do not live by faith; their lives are structured so they never have to. They don’t trust God if the unexpected happens- they have their savings account. They don’t need God to help them- they have their retirement plan in place. They don’t genuinely seek out what life God would have them live- they have life figured and mapped out. They don’t depend on God on a daily basis- their refrigerators are full and, for the most part are in good health. The truth is, their lives wouldn’t look much different if they suddenly stopped believing in God.” (p.78)

Ow. Is our lives truly transformed by God?

Chow Update

Its hard to imagine that I have been randomly sending these updates out for close to four years. These four years have been a journey to say the least. We could not have made it through this uphill walk without your prayers and support. Jenn and I are both grateful for your words of encouragement when we felt that we were in over our heads. I have realized that it has been awhile since I sent out the last one and wanted to catch you up on the goings of the clan.

Well, about a month ago I took the final of the ordination exams. I found out early this year that I did not pass the last time and the Committee on Preparation for Ministry sent me back for the tests again. I feel good about them and took plenty of advice from the people around me. Besides that I found the perfect way to cheat… simply memorize most of the Book of Order and actually study. Imagine that! I should bottle that advice and sell it. These exams are the final hurdles of ordination, that an actually being “called” to a position.

In June I got an interesting call from our Presbytery Exec. that was wondering if I would be interested in a new challenge. Me, being one that cannot easily push aside a challenge took him up on it. It was to serve as the Stated Supply for the Taiwanese Presbyterian Church in our Presbytery. The big problem was that through I am Chinese (at least that is what my parents tell me) I have a serious lack of language skills. Most in the congregation spoke Taiwanese or Mandarin. Through this journey I have learned a lot about my heritage. I spent a whole afternoon with one of the elders talking about the difference in asian gardening and western gardening. I did not know that the branches need to be done in ODD numbers in order to foster balance. Hmmm… very interesting. While it was a learning experience I am glad I had the opportunity to be a part of this for several months. In the next week I will be winding my time down with this congregation.

We have been in full “GO” for Front Porch for the past couple months. Front Porch is the campus ministry for the Presbytery. I am heading the development of of the Cal State Channel Islands ministry. It is exciting as we are given the opportunity to create something that has not been there before. For the past couple of months I have been meeting with various pastors, churches, and leaders in order to secure support, funding, and authorization. The last week has seen me going crazy developing a video for Presbytery next week. Check it out here. Besides Front Porch, the Taiwanese Church, and Word of Life not much has been going on for us, in fact it has been pretty slow. While it seems that craziness is going on in our family we are truly blessed.

Jenn has gone back to Ventura College in order to start some of the pre-requisites for Nursing School. She is having fun taking Biology right now. She has to get through more science classes before she can figure out where she wants to apply and enroll for school.

Thanks for your continued prayers. Please keep praying as we are securing funding for Front Porch. This is a ministry that is needed in this area and we are excited about the plans and prospects that it brings. Also keep our sanity in your prayers as we are pulled in a number of directions, that in the midst of it all we don’t neglect the things that are important to us.

Again thanks for your support. Blessings upon you.

Sean and Jenn