a journal of my journey



For the past couple of weeks I have been contemplating in my head where my next step in life is. Not leaving my position or anything, but where am I called to in the next step of my journey. What is it that I am to do next? Is it to start a new ministry, be a part of change, go back to school, or whatever it is. With that I have spent more than a little time praying and contemplating what that may be. Then I was flipping through my twitter feed and came across this blog by Steven Furtick. It is a reflection on 1 Samuel 13:13:

 “That was a fool thing to do,” Samuel said to Saul. “If you had kept the appointment that your God commanded, by now God would have set a firm and lasting foundation under your kingly rule over Israel. As it is, your kingly rule is already falling to pieces. God is out looking for your replacement right now. This time he’ll do the choosing. When he finds him, he’ll appoint him leader of his people. And all because you didn’t keep your appointment with God!”

Wow. Those are some striking words. The word “fool” appears over three hundred times in the Bible. Calling one a fool is not what it means in our society, where we assume the other cannot think of any other name to call us and is very minimally critical. The meaning comes in several different ways. 1. Simple minded 2. Those that do not posses wisdom 3. Deliberate sinner 4. Maliciousness 5. Pursuit of own desires 6. Thoughtlessness. Basically you get the idea. It is one that puts our own ambitions in front of what God has called us to be/ do. 

The verse continues to say that if we had kept the plan that God had, God’s plan would have been fulfilled. Instead we are being replace. Uhhh…. I don’t want to be called a fool and replaced. I don’t want to be in a place that God says:

If you had faith then I would have __________

If you had vision then I would have __________

If you had a heart for me then I would have __________

If you cared about __________

If you had __________ then I would have __________

I am starting to get an idea of what God is calling me to. Things that break my heart. Anger and disappointment between fellow people of faith. The words that I have been struggling with are those that I took a vow to in my ordination. How will I further the peace, purity, and unity of the church. As I see this denomination becoming fractured, what is God calling me to be a part of? Only God know and I definitely do not want to be called a fool.

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