Turning Points
For the past ten years I have been hindered. First the doctors told me I had weak ankles, then gout, then arthritis, then rheumatoid arthritis, then gout, then something else, and so on. For the better part of the last decade I have been hindered by this. My children find it amusing that I use to be athletic and involved in a number of sports. They cannot remember a time where my physical health was not an issue. I remember wondering how I was going to keep up with my kids. Who is going to teach them to ride a bike or throw a baseball? While I was not debilitated it was issues in the back of my head. When older members (by 30-40 years) of the congregation were moving faster than I was, then you have a problem.
Since making the move to the East Coast several years back I have been determined not to let it limit me. I have moved away from foods that caused me flares and stopped taking the steroids that I was dependent on to make it through the day. Simply stopping the steroids I lost 30 pounds in a matter of months. Whoa. Food choices such as no turkey gravy and staying away from seafood helped a bit. While that increased my quality of life, it did not drastically. There were still many activities that I could not take part in simply because I was afraid that it may cause a flare. Too often simply doing something has caused a week of incredible pain, that only steroids could take care of.
This year I have made a concerted effort to not be limited by my physical conditions. I have started going to the gym and so forth. It was when I went to the doctor a couple months ago that something changed. He told me everything that my previous doctors had diagnosed me with was wrong. What?? He did not know exactly what I had and was going to pursue it, but he put me on a regiment to improve my quality of life without restrictions. In the past couple of months I have began to try running, played paintball, bowled, and been more active.
A long story to a point. I look back and wonder what could have been in those years that I lost. It took me a bit to get over the fact that if I been advised to manage my symptoms better these last few years could have been so much more. After wallowing for a bit, I have come to the place where I need to make up for lost time. Though I have reached or about to reach a new age milestone I look forward to how active I can be. Should be interesting in what trouble I can get myself into.
Us vs. Them
It seems everywhere we look there is conflict. This past week I saw a number of my friends change their Facebook profile in support of marriage equality. As many supported it, there were others that did not. As I scanned through my newsfeed at times each others “passions” turned very personal. An “us vs. them” mentality emerged on both sides.
While the marriage equality issue was raised this week, it was not the only issue that raised an “us vs. them” mentality. Some of the issues might have been over people’s right, a decision, or a change in course in business. Which makes this conflict more than a simple issue, as it can enter into our relationships in a local or national. Recently our Session spent some time discussing the issue of conflict or rather what to do when conflict arises. I remember many in the room discussing that we would not have conflict, but as we work to transform and engage in outreach opportunities… it will arise.
As our staff and Session work on transformation, the key word is “change”. No one really likes change and inevitably it causes conflict. Too easy situations can turn into a “us vs. them”. While our church has often talked about the need to be unified through this process, it does not necessarily happen all the time. When an issue is not addressed or defused it can easily jump in the stages of conflict. Truly I do not believe that our church is to sit idly by, rather we are to be innovative and creative in what our church is to be a part of. On the other hand, are we willing to engage in conflict? It is a hard decision for any Pastoral leadership team or Session to want to make.
The above arrow shows the stages of conflict if unresolved. It is easy to move from a lower stage to a high one without much effort. We discussed that in order to avoid the “trigger” events that cause an escalation there must be constant dialogue and a diffusing of the “us vs them” mentality. This mentality does no church any good as it simply makes everyone angry.
Life is not pretty, there will be conflict. Conflict in the church, conflict in our work, conflict in our relationships, conflict over our ideals, conflict in our families, conflict over national issues, conflict within city government… you get the picture? There is nowhere we can escape conflict, but we can help diffuse the situation or ignite it further. Which are you?
Growth During Holy Week
Each spring break from 1988 through the early 2000’s, I joined a couple thousand students and staff with Azusa Pacific University‘s Mexicali Mission Trip. Whether I was a youth, college student, APU volunteer, or Youth Director in some form I was there. And I loved it. Spending Holy Week in sleeping in tents and working in the local villages did something remarkable within me. Each year I came back transformed. It was in 1988 that I encountered and realized a loving God cared for me. A different year, in the middle of a worship service I committed myself to vocational ministry in some shape or form. As I later led groups, friendships deepened to incredible depths that years later they still run strong no matter the distance. Stories of adventures still are highlights of get togethers with students or leaders even though some of them have turn into myths that we are not sure actually happened.
As each Holy Week comes and goes, I long for those times as a student and a leader in Mexicali. Each Holy Week held something special. For some incredible reason as we were on these mission trips and Holy Week was laid before us, I was taken back and challenged. Sharing Communion with a couple thousand people who have experienced the highs and lows of ministry on Maundy Thursday has incredible meaning. Riding high from the whole mission experience as we often walked sleep deprived and still dusty after driving home through the night… but still making it to Good Friday Services. Or telling the stories of how God worked in us and through us on Easter Sunday. How Great was our Risen Lord and Savior in the middle of all that happened to us! These Holy Weeks were not your average Holy Weeks but ones of deep spiritual meaning.
It is those same experiences that I took the many students years ago is the same experience that I long for my children and our church’s youth to have. I pray that my own children have the opportunity to grow and be molded spiritually in the same way that I was. This afternoon I spent a bit of time trying to convince my youth leader that we need to fly our group cross country next year to participate. Then I realized how much it would cost to do this and how untenable it was. The destination is not important but rather the experience and what results is what I long for our students to have. To have the opportunity to push everything aside and be completely open to what God has to say to them.
To be completely open and honest before a God that cares and loves them.
P.S. One of the very few pictures of Mexicali that I still have. Here is to many great friendships that result.
Hold On… Here We Go
You know those moments. Standing at the foot of the mountain looking up. The journey looks ominous, too ominous. You begin to hesitate and think that you are not the one to undertake this. That you would surely fail. Fear begins to creep into your mind that moments before were brimming with confidence. The wonder why do we get charged with his monumental task instead of someone else. Don’t you know who I am? With all my failures, past improprieties, and lack of overwhelming self confidence, I have still been tapped to be a part of conquering this mountain.
I stand at one of those moments. It is something that I have wanted to do for years, be a part of something that is new and will make a difference. People have told me that I can do it, that I have the right thought process to do this. I even have some past experience in it. Then why do these doubts still rise?
Too often we encounter these thoughts at the base of the mountain. Those thoughts can easily paralyze us from moving forward. In “Christian-ese” we use the word called/ calling, in common everyday meaning it is fulfilling our God given task. Everyone is given a calling. It can be recognized by our reaction to a God given burden upon us.
As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. 2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3 Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. 4 There is one bodyand one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6 one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.- Ephesians 4:1 (NIV)
How we react to those callings? You and I can either run or head up the mountain. I choose the mountain. That does not mean that I don’t have self doubts with myself, no wonder I surround myself with a great team. We are not sent on “lone ranger” tasks by ourselves, but are supported/ encouraged along the way. Each time moments of self doubt creeps into my thoughts I remember my purpose: to live a life worthy of my calling. It does not mean I cut and run at the first sign of trouble, but dig in with the strength that only God can bring and the team that I have been blessed with.
It’s time to dig in and take on this mountain. Should be fun, there is nothing else I would rather want to do.
Medical Care and being (almost) 40
For the past couple years I have been under the care of a doctor whose core belief was to drug you and answer questions later. When I would go visit him, he would start writing prescriptions even before I got examined. Even when I got the drugs, he would add a bit extra in. For example I had a gout attack last year and he gave me some Vicodin for the pain for a couple of days as needed for pain. He gave me 50 with a refill. Really?
Anyways, I went to a new doctor today. Like many new doctors there is a huge introductory time with forms and many questions. Good thing I brought my wife since she was able to put my medical history together. There would be some huge gaps in my story. This new doctor had some concerns with some of the medications I have been on and the follow up exams. After more than a few vials of blood were given up, an EKG, a lecture on my exercise habits, and a tetanus shot I headed home.
Then the hypochondriac in me came out. Wait a second… did he find something? Did he need to take all that blood? Why did an EKG need to be taken? Why do I have a ultrasound of my heart scheduled? It all ended with the thought that maybe he found something. Maybe he wants to confirm it before he breaks it to me. Am I on the downhill slide?
SLAP! That was the figurative head slap that my wife gave me to get me out of my funk. She had to explain to me that I was approaching the give Four- oh. That meant that my health care was hitting a different level. There were more that had to be done by marking the next decade in my life. Even those words stung. I was getting older and now I was being watched more closely by my doctor. I am guessing getting older is a part of life. In many ways it scary with the possibility of a major medical condition looming on my horizon. The thoughts of a life altering condition approaching…
While I don’t particularly like the extra probing, the end result is important. That preventive care is important. I know too many people that simply avoid seeing the doctor due to its inconvenience or lack of health care. I am thankful to live in a situation that it is provided for and praying for those that lack this right.
All in all to say… if even I can wade through all this, you can too.
Heart Break
I just read an ABC News article on how a Porn Star is becoming a role model to underage kids. Really? Or the admission by one interviewed that she first started looking at pornography at the age of 10. As I had been and continue to dip into Youth Ministry, I am constantly shocked by claims of underage drinking, sex, drugs, and so forth by JUNIOR HIGH STUDENTS. Sure I am concerned but not shocked by High School students, I understand the culture. That is to understand the culture that is prevalent, but not condone it.
Throughout Lent I have been leading discussion groups on The Power of A Whisper by Bill Hybels. The purpose of the whole study brings you to a point that you look within yourself and ask the question what breaks your heart in the world. Is it human trafficking, is it latch key kids, or simply the issue(s) that cause you to weep. In understanding that it is God what whispers those places of discomfort to us. While there are many types or styles of whispers given to each of us, there is one that leads us to react. That whisper is the whisper of discomfort. Perhaps we cannot get a news piece out of our mind, watched a documentary which was moving, or lived a life that caused discomfort.
Our reaction may be small to start. A desire to want to respond. Perhaps we will give up some measure of personal comfort to start to engage in the issue. Then the time will come when we are asked to respond and our choices simply are yes or I am comfortable where I am. Which choice will you make?
I realize as I watch the news or read articles the world is a huge, ugly, and scary place. The issues that are in the forefront is not the issue for me. I could not be part of the solution for multiple issues. While I agree wholeheartedly that human trafficking is immoral and wrong, it is not where God is leading me. My issue is not your issue. But hear this… you have a God given issue. Find it… and engage it.
Skype!
This whole skype thing is ingenious! Through it we can keep in good touch with all our families. As my niece and nephew grow I can still be an intimate part of their lives. After all they call from Northern California a couple times a week to say goodnight to us east coasters. What would we do without technology to bring our families together as God calls us elsewhere.
My Great Fear
Panic and visions of being stuck inside my house for weeks at a time has overwhelmed me at times (not really but overly cautious). Why? Because for some reason (being called by God) to live on the East Coast after spending all my life in California. Where I grew up it maybe snowed once in the 19 years I lived there. For the past 18 years I have lived in Southern California. All we have there is fires, mudslides, and earthquakes. I put on extra layers of clothes when it hit sixty degrees.
You can imagine what was going through my head as the first snowfall hit. What do I do again? Congregation members gave me a good amount of ribbing that made me wonder what I got myself into. Imagining back ice everywhere and cars slamming into one another. My family being short of food and supplies because I was not smart enough to plan ahead. Being stuck inside my car somewhere off the White Horse Pike eating my carpet since I was not smart enough to stock my car with food. Basically a winter armageddon, everything bad that you can think of… I though of.
So here I am with the fear mostly worn off after the first couple of snowfalls. It is different driving to work and watching for the shiny areas on the street that denote black ice. Remembering to wash off the car after the snow melts, to get the snow salt off the can. To dig my car out of the snow you don’t give the shovel to the kids to do, since they would bang and ding the heck out of it. To take it easy when driving in the snow since most lanes are not totally clear of snow. And to remember to add antifreeze into my van (had that problem this week). Basically, I have learned that my great fear is not nearly as bad as I think it will be… just take it slow and listen to those around me.
In and Out vs. Five Guys
Yesterday, I met with a congregation member who took me to Five Guys, who is suppose to be a challenger to the legendary (yes, legendary) In and Out Burger. As the member came he challenged me to really try the Five Guys. So I did. With the comment that if a Double Double was around in Jesus’s time, that is what we would be using for communion instead of bread. With that standard we checked one out yesterday.
First off Five Guys also has hot dogs and stuff. It is not a strictly burger joint. But I had a Bacon Cheeseburger. Unlike In and Out, you tell them exactly what you want on your burger. From mayo to grilled mushrooms to lettuce. It is completely customizable to your specifications. The only bad thing that I found is that they only cook it well done, not like you really get a choice at In and Out anyways. What I found peculiar was that they gave free peanuts away and the fries are cooked in peanut oil. I like me a good peanut oil fried turkey so this did not bother me any, but I questioned the use since there are so many people that have allergies these days. In fact my sister probably could not go into the place since it would cause her to swell up like a balloon. Actually, it would be kinda comical. Just kidding Kirst! Or not.
I would definitely go back to five guys since the price was reasonable and it was pretty good. My search will continue for the perfect burger that can replace in my mind a Double Double.
Light Wars
I was watching Good Morning America this morning and they talked about a man who was so fed up with putting Christmas lights that he put a dummy up like the picture above. It was so realistic that passerby’s could be seen running to the dummy’s aid.
This led to a conversation with my wife about the good ‘ol Azusa Pacific Days.Every Christmas in the residential area they had a competition called Light Wars. The idea was to dress up the exterior in some Christmas theme and someone would come around and rate it. Well, you have to understand that we were an odd bunch in our apartment. We came up with the idea of putting up a surfer theme (surfing board with a dummy on it with a Santa hat) and a big sign lit up that said “UFO’s Land Here”. For some reason we didn’t even get into consideration and we were actually hurt because we tried. Can you believe someone with a Biblical theme actually won? Come on now! One has to think outside the box and we were really outside it!
Welcome
One of the areas that I stressed during my different interviews with my APNC was concerns about my family. Where they going to acclimate? Where there kids for them to hang with? What support did the church have for everyone in my family? I am glad in many ways we are not heading into a redevelopment in which my kids would be the only ones. As Jenn and I discerned our path, it was important to us that the call that I would seek would properly have support for everyone.
Sure, I am only fifteen days into my call here, but I am surprised by the genuine nature of the congregation. I was asking my wife the other night if the APNC had spoke to a number of people about our concerns or was this really them. I am totally in the honeymoon stage of my ministry here, but people are very supportive of my family. My kids (the older ones) at first were hesitant about heading into sunday school and youth group. They both found it something they want to be involved in and may actually go to winter camp. That is if the youth can break my girls down enough, no pressure from me! The younger two have definitely taken to being the Pastor’s Kids. The oldest boy is playing catch and tag with anyone that even looks his way and I think people feel obligated to play with him since he will not leave them alone. And the baby… who can’t help but dote over a four month old.
As I sit here in my office, juggling phone calls and emails I can rest assured that the congregation that we have been called to has alleviated all the fears and stress that I had with our family. Now lets see how the first day of school went and if I have to go “red Sean”. Let’s hope not.
Post Thanksgiving Reflection
Sure Thanksgiving is all about being thankful for the blessings that you have and for family. I have some great memories of sitting around stuffing myself and watching football. In fact I asked my wife’s parents/ family if I could have her hand in marriage following Thanksgiving Dinner/ Lunch (it was around 2 in the afternoon). But one tradition that I did partake in that will always have a Thanksgiving tone is playing paintball with my brother the next day. Some families had the tradition of playing football… my brother and sometimes Conor would head to Carpet Bob’s Paintball around Napa and run in the mud. Nothing like being covered in mud as you were trying to “mark” others. There is nothing quite like trying to shoot someone with a paintball at 290 feet per second on a cold morning in the rain. Ouch. It was those weekends that developed something fun, that unfortunately I don’t have the time or the body to do anymore. That is travel and play tournament paintball.Most people really have no idea what was going on in my life during that time. The fun times that we had traveling around and creating chaos in various cities from Lemoore in Central California to Port Orchard, WA to Las Vegas. I miss traveling around originally with Joe, Jason, Paul, Donald, Adam, and Conor. Then it was with Pete, Chad, Francis, Ken, Leo, and a whole host of others. Nights trying to flush huge bags of paintballs that went bad down the toilet at the Silverton (before they upgraded it) to having to deal with sharing a bed with Joe who kicks in his sleep. Or the many times we went to the Excalibur buffet only to remember that we should NEVER GO THERE.I miss playing five and ten man tournaments in the now defunct Pan Am Circuit and in the NPPL. What I don’t miss is the mountains of dollars that it took to keep the equipment at the edge or the time for practices in smelly out of the way locations.While I am thankful for the journey in life that I am on, there are somethings that I miss. That being young enough and crazy enough to be involved in the paintball tournament scene during the mid-early days. The days when teams like ours could actually be sponsored before the times of huge conglomerates. What I do miss out of anything is the time spent with the guys whether at practice or just shooting the breeze. Here is a shout out to you all!
Are you trying to get something through my thick skull?
I have had the opportunity to do something that we try not to encourage our members to do… that being ‘church shop”. Or the act of checking out what other churches are doing and so forth. In some ways it is pretty cool since I get to see what other churches are doing but at the same time have no intimate contact with a church family. Now that I have been out and about I miss being at a church every Sunday and look forward to that time again.For the past four weeks I got to be a free agent of sorts as I have made my way through a bunch of different churches. I think a general theme has arisen as I feel that each pastor was talking directly to me. The first week was a visit to the Radiant service at Oxnard First Presbyterian. They were doing Stewardship Sunday and Pastor Ted Brandt was talking about God’s comfort in the midst of suffering. The following week was Pastor Ron Urzua from Word of Life Presbyterian preaching on God’s provision in the midst of difficult times. Last weekend I was at Westminster Presbyterian during their Stewardship Day as Pastor Dan Birchfield talked about the longevity of the church and its legacy, that in the mist of chaos and the economic climate God provides. Last night I was at Glenkirk Presbyterian in Glendora as Pastor Jim Miller talked about the sacrifice that God wants from us and that it is all about finishing well.Each of the themes of the sermons that I have heard this last month felt like they were meant for me specifically. Is there a conspiracy between the churches where I am going? Or maybe its God speaking? I guess my attitude did not change much after the first time…. or even the second… so apparently I got four sermons to finally get what I was suppose to get. I GOT IT!!!…. I think. That in the midst of the craziness of my life, God is going in front of me and providing, just need to remain faithful.It is easy to have faith in the good times… character and depth of faith is built during the tough seasons.
Crossroads
As a person in the midst of transition, it is at a crossroads that I sit. For the past week I have been searching for a job, any job that will somehow supplement the lack of income that my family is facing. With that I have applied for anything from Aflac Insurace to College Enrollment Counselor to manning a register at Macys. What makes this so weird is that maybe I have a contorted view of a job. That maybe its more than earning a paycheck… its ones passion. Its their calling. Is it my calling to sell and offer Macy’s Credit to customers? Uhhh…. I am pretty sure that it is not. I feel that what I do must have a purpose.
Yesterday I got a comment on my facebook page that really bothered me. Not bothered in a bad way but one that challenges who I am. Am I suppose to spend Advent and the holidays worrying about the size on my line at $9 per hour or the real reason that I am called to. “You are going to be a great pastor Sean – and it saddens me that someone of your pastoral talent and giftedness will be standing behind a register and not a pulpit this Christmas season -behind the pulpit it is were you belong without doubt, when will the church wake up and see the gift you will be to the church?!” That comment made me think… do I push on in developing this ministry or do I sit on it. Sit on it in a time when the momentum is growing and great progress is being made.
Choices are running rampant in my head. In times like this which road do I choose?
Retirement
A frequent conversation that I have with older adults that have retired is that they tell me that they are busier than they were when they were working. While I have had problems stretching my little brain around that, I have begun to understand what they mean. While I am not “retired” but yet hope to reach that point I am getting an inkling of what they are talking about. No longer am I stuck in an office (figuratively or literally), have to attend staff meetings, put in a requisite amount of time doing “churchy” things, or even have a feeling that I need to work more to earn my pay. Instead this last week has been a blank canvas. Last Saturday when I looked at my calender for the week all there was a meeting at CSUCI on Tuesday and a note that it was the eldest Birthday this week. For a person that is use to juggling seminary, family, and church(s) this is going to take some getting use to.
While Monday might have been a stress case for me since I was literally sitting around and watching the Syfy network and its V: the series marathon. Since then I have begun to get my feet underneath me. Besides becoming the official Chow family taxi for school, youth group, and other events I am definetely re-engaging with the family. If you ask them perhaps I am too much into their business. Oh well… welcome to Dad-have-no-job land.
The best part of all this chaos is that I get to do anything that I want to do and not things that I am obligated to. Last week I have several meetings about Front Porch and its development at CSUCI. Next week we will begin spending time meeting with students and actually DO SOMETHING on campus, rather than simply meeting with churches and casting the vision. If I wanted to (which I plan on doing) is starting some studies on campus and being present for students. Someone that I met with last week said that I could be “the weird Presbyterian prayer guy on campus.” While that may be cool, I am not sure if that is the angle that I am looking for. I have also been tossing around the idea of heading back to the hospital to volunteer as a chaplain.
This blank canvas is an interesting thing. What makes it more interesting is some of the blogs that I read. One of them is the former President of Youth Specialities that was recently laid off. He wrote on some of the things going on in his mind here. I am loving the freedom to do the things that I WANT to do rather than what I am obligated to. I do see how retirement can be a time that is more busy than one is working with the desire to be a part of many things that you have a passion for.
Day One
Sooo today was the first day of being “unemployed”. Geesh this is depressing. Let me see what is on TV? Nothing to sooth the soul like V:the Series marathon on Syfy. What is making this so weird is that I am used to being overly busy. With meeting and a To Do List that is endless that suddenly disappeared. Looking at my calender this week I have a webinar and a meeting tomorrow and that ends my scheduled week. That is unless I find something to do.While I have often dreamed of sitting around and doing nothing, it was not suppose to be like this. Do you wonder what it would be like to wake up and have nothing to do… ITS BORING! In the last week I have run into a bunch of people that I know that are in the same boat as I am in. That is trying to navigate the wonderful world of unemployment and what to do. This is a crazy subculture of the world. While I thought I understood what it is like, I have no idea. The emotional, physical, and spiritual dimensions of unemployment is not very well understood until you are in the unfortunate position.First off the wonderful world of Unemployment Development Department of the State of California or more commonly know as the Unemployment Insurance. This is what most companies pay into in order for the workers to have some income in the case of being laid off. That is unless you are exempt like many non-profits are (such as clergy). It is a time of waiting to see how much you qualify for and it ranges from $60-450 a week depending on what you previously made. While the application is online, it takes up to ten days with additional week until you get a check. Not to mention the numerous rules it has.Second… What do you do with all your time? While I am actively pursuing funds to develop Front Porch, what else is there to do. Sure my wife has come up with a great list of things to do, so I am not simply lying around doing nothing. I can see easily how some people fall into a state of depression and not wanting to get out of bed. While I have a family to keep me going there I can honestly feel how some could become overcome with no motivation.Third… anxiety. Where I am going to get money to pay my bills? Why should I even get a job when unemployment would pay me more? What is going on with my future? Everything at one time or anther has come into question. While it those times of weakness that creeps in and I freak out. The stress level has definitely risen as I have become consumed with micromanagement of our family funds. While we cannot say that we have the perfect marriage I am grateful for a wife and family that is supportive and attempts to deflect many of the feelings that I encounter from time to time.Through all this and I feeling the need to start or be a part of a support group of some sort. A group that can be a place of support, resource, and encouragement. There is so much that I do know and am sure there are more than a few out there that are lost like I am.
A New Chapter
The last couple of weeks have been interesting as I have worked on transferring the many tasks and oversight of ministries that I have been involved in for the past three years. This last sunday was my last official sunday at Word of Life. And in all transitional times I am quite reflective on what has happened as well as what I wish had happened. In saying the latter I was thinking of how I wanted to create programs and studies that would better help families. I dreamed of the day that we could offer parenting classes to the community as well as being a supportive community for families. It is not like I am the first one to think about what could have been, especially since the community and has such a need.
Anyways. The last three years have been one that I have had the opportunity to do things that I thought that I would never have the chance to do. When I first came to the church, all I was concerned with was sitting in the back pew. But through my experiences I feel that I am better person. Not only was I encouraged and supported throughout the ordination process but consider many of the people that supported me as family. When the trials and rigors of seminary and life became too much or too stressful there was always someone there to put me back into perspective.
I will always be grateful for the opportunity and freedom that I have had in the past year. With an dedicated team we reinvisioned the church. The last year we got to try a different model than a traditional church. While the results were not as amazing as our heads thought it would be, it was a great experience. The chance to be in a church that is willing to take those leaps of faith is invaluable.
As in everything, good times don’t last forever. What is the future is still very much in the air. For now I will be working on developing the Front Porch ministry of the Presbytery as well as finishing up (hopefully) the ordination process.
Thanks ya’lls for all the support. Not to mention the great spanish lessons and I’ll need to collect on my tattoo hours soon (or maybe not).
Every Pastor Needs an Arch-Nemesis
A couple of weeks ago I posted on my facebook page that I needed an arch-nemesis. The response I got was that I need to love everyone and that Pastors should not have one. Granted theologically that is correct. But I would like to throw out a different angle. I was sitting in the church parking lot thinking about my past and where I have been led in this journey. It was always the “arch-nemesis” that pushed me to search within myself that forced me to be more than I thought I could be. That parent that thought that I was an awful administrator or the person that thought that I was not caring enough during a hospital visit. I am not saying that we need to look for someone to destroy us (as many arch-nemesis’s do), but perhaps we need to look to a more dulled down version of our comic heroes. In Batman, Spiderman, and X-Men they each had an arch-nemesis. Whether they were Green Goblin, Sandman, or Doc. Octopus. While there intention was to destroy our heroes, rule the world, or have wealth beyond the imagination. I would like to offer a pastoral alternative.That alternative being pushing who I am as a pastor. No matter where you are or serving in a “perfect” church we will always have those people within the congregation. Someone that does not agree with you. I recall several congregational meetings in which were called in order to agree the installation of a new pastor. The pastor was great, but someone had to voice discontent. Not because the pastor was awful, but simply to disagree and being the voice of the discontent. Pastor’s run into them all the time. I had a congregation member that was not pleased with my sermons, no matter how good they were received or how good they were. Jokingly he would come up to me after service and tell me my sermon could have been better. Did he not know how well I exegeted it? Talked about the nominative pluralities and everything. What I have learned from these people is that they push who I am as a pastor to do better. While I may not like it they are put here for a reason.1. Arch-nemesis push us to do better- Far too often it is easy to be complacent in ministry or comfortable in the position in which we are. A arch-nemesis is one that is always on your heals and does not let you become comfortable. As pastors it sometimes is easy to enjoy the congregational love and not want to shake the boat. The nemesis does not let us get too comfortable in our chairs.2. Arch-nemesis force us into areas where we do not see possibilities- There are always alternative ways or something that we should be doing, but sometimes we cannot see it becoming a reality. Without someone to push us, shove us, or throw us into those directions we will naturally not go into those areas.3. Arch-nemesis deflate our ego- Each sunday after preaching everyone comes up to you and tells you how good your sermon is. Even if it is awful and was taken off the internet. This causes us to have our ego boosted. The amount of positive reinforcement to negative is incredibly skewed to the positive. I have friends that keep my ego sane and deflate it, but we all need those people to keep us even keeled.I can list those that have been my arch-nemesis’s over the years. Some I am more thankful for than others. They have been put in my life by God to push me and encourage me on my journey. Every pastor needs an arch-nemesis to push their status quo.
Awkward
Last month I received a phone call from my dad. Usually when he calls, I know I did something wrong. It must be a link back to my childhood. Yes, I did get into a fair share of trouble as a kid. Mostly because of school and well lack of doing anything when I was there. Anywho… my dad explains to me that since my dad and uncle are going to be in Europe for most of September they would like to transfer the power of attorney over my grandmother to us siblings. In siblings, it is me and my brother. Kirsten got left out of all the fun, but she always has.I don’t know why this is so weird and awkward to me. Serving in a church I have been involved in life and death situations before, as well being in hospital rooms as doctors explain prognosis’s to people. Why is it so different when it is family? As I spent time pondering this, it is vastly different than being involved in a ministry. When I serve as a Pastor or a confidant, I ultimately do not make the decisions. While I may pray, annoint with oil, and be a presence I am emotionally detached. This is not to say that I do not care about what is happening, but it is not my loved one.While I may be over three hundred and fifty miles from the situation it still weighs on my mind, if the time comes how will I react? Will it be as a person that is emotionally involved or slightly detached as I have learned from years in the ministry? Which leads me to an underlying question, can we simply put on and take off ministerial hats? While I hope all that I am in whatever facet is the same person, emotions can override all that. If the situation becomes highly emotionally charged, coming the correct consensus is often difficult no matter ones background.Just a rambling thought of a guy wasting time waiting for a public hearing to be done at City Hall for our permit issues for Word of Life.
Answers FINALLY!!!
For the past several years I have been struggling with health issues. I think I have more than my own share of issues, but one problem has been a thorn in my side. For the past several years I have been having an increased problem walking. To the point that last year I spent a month on the floor (literally) and a couple more on crutches. While I did get better at my video game skills, this was something that was hard for me. I use to be a relatively active person. I played tennis in high school and then tournament paintball for a several more. Lately it seems that there always seems to be something wrong with my feet.
The last couple of years I was told that my problem was that I have gout. Which in itself is not bad, except for the treatment of such. Suffice it to say it is a nasty mix of prescriptions that take care of the problem. You know that it is bad when the prescription tells you to take on pill an hour until “pain subsides or abdominal discomfort”. I have yet to take the meds where the pain went away, and I tried it more than a few times.
That leads me to the Great Jolly Jumper Accident of ’07 (that is what my wife calls it). Apparently I had a severe sprain after jumping in the Jolly Jump at my daughter’s birthday with ten guys and gals that are at least 25 years old. With that I spent time on crutches, wheelchair, crawling, and even got a handicapped placard. I went to Physical Therapy where they told me I had some pretty bad problems with my feet and ankles that needed to be taken care of.
After a year of searching for an answer, I think that I finally got one. I have been diagnosed with Osteoarthritisin my left foot and toes. It is not repairable and can only be managed. Great you are saying, but I am excited to actually know what is going on with my foot. The coming weeks will see a beginning of cocktails of vitamins and arthritis medication. Next week I am getting fitted with a brace that 80 year olds swear by, at least that what I was told. All in all, I am should be able to manage the pain and get back to a regular life. As for running and competing, that is highly doubtful. I may be able to do some things but we shall see.
The doctor believes that is is related to some trauma on the foot that I had. I was asked to trace it back to the beginning of the recurrances. It arose during my time playing paintball in some rocky and loose soiled fields every weekend. Oh well.
My Family is Pretty Cool… Imagine that
Being a family member of one that serves a church can be quite a difficult thing. For instance the cut short vacations when there is an murder in the local middle school or the times when special dates get cut off (at the ice cream shop… oops I have a Deacons meeting fifteen minutes ago) or the constant state of being distracted. Yup that is the life of a family of one that is in the ministry. One thing that I swear to myself is that I pray that my kids do not grow up hating the church, due to my responsibility to it. I can honestly say that the past couple of years and specifically the past six months have been rough on the family. I have been charged with moving the congregation to a new facility, starting new ministries, training others, General Assembly, Presbytery commitments, and somehow took an intensive on Hebrew. Somewhere in the midst of that my family laid. I am sure more than a few times they got the short end of the stick or that I was not home to tuck them in. While I have worked hard at being there for them in different ways, I am sure that it was not the same.This past weekend we were in Truckee for a wedding that I was doing for a family member. I had just finished my Hebrew final the week before, was in finishing studying for the Ordination Examinations, and trying to get the papers and permits necessary to move the church. While it seemed that everything fell apart around me, I had more than a few moments of the weekend, about how cool my family was. While I was hobbling around, I managed to get Jenn and the girls off to a stable where they went on a trail ride. Considering it was my girls first time on a horse, they were a bit scared. As we raced back to the resort where the wedding was going to be performed I was amazed by something…. the smell on them. Wow horses can smell. Besides that was the giddy look on their face. During the reception in which I raced to change out of my dress shoes (they hurt) I spent an hour dancing with my clan. It was pretty cool dancing with Hunter, Jenn, and Lauren to Vanilla Ice’s “Ice, Ice, Baby”. That night as the girls were getting ready to go to sleep the words of one of my mentors from long ago rang about the priorities in life… Personal Relationship With God, Family, THEN Ministry. Far too often that order gets messed up and needs to be re-prioritized. They are more important to me than my ministry and I sometimes forget that.
A little cynical I guess
Like everyone, I was glued to the television watching Mark McGwire battle Sammy Sosa in the summer of 1998 get 70 home runs in a season. I watched Barry Bonds attempt to get the most career home runs. With a raised eyebrow kept an interest in Lance Armstrong and Floyd Landis reputation be dragged through the mud on doping allegations. Landis later being stripped of a title due to it. Marion Jonesadmitted to doping during track and field. Sad, simply sad. The list is endless of those that rose to fame in their respective sports and have either been accused of using performance enhancing drugs or using them.As I see Michael Phelps celebrate tonight, I pray that he is not using some form of steroids. What made me glad is that he volunteered for a program with the United States Olympics that monitors athletes for drug use. I am not Michael Phelps hater in fact I am cheering for him. It is just that young athletes could use a role model unlike one that we have had in years. I would love for Phelps to be looked up to and be proclaimed clean, no if ands or buts. That our youth do not see cheating as their only means of fame or glory. This is a small look into a bigger societal problem, that we are willing to throw our morals out the window in order to make a buck. What happened to ones integrity? Hopefully it is something that can be reborn in sports. It makes me sick to think I cheered and our country was generally behind people that cheated. Televisions switched from regular programming everytime McGwire got up to plate. There was a sense of unity that brought baseball back to the forefront. We were amazed at the spectacle of one breaking the home run record that had stood for a long time. And now we have rumors that it all happened because of the aid of performance enhancing drugs? If he is clean he needs to step up and declare it. McGwire brought us together and then dropped us like a prom date that was no fun. Though it has been almost ten years it has not been forgotten.No, not everyone does it.Yes, you can win without it and it means so much more.
A little cynical I guess
Like everyone, I was glued to the television watching Mark McGwire battle Sammy Sosa in the summer of 1998 get 70 home runs in a season. I watched Barry Bonds attempt to get the most career home runs. With a raised eyebrow kept an interest in Lance Armstrong and Floyd Landis reputation be dragged through the mud on doping allegations. Landis later being stripped of a title due to it. Marion Jonesadmitted to doping during track and field. Sad, simply sad. The list is endless of those that rose to fame in their respective sports and have either been accused of using performance enhancing drugs or using them.
As I see Michael Phelps celebrate tonight, I pray that he is not using some form of steroids. What made me glad is that he volunteered for a program with the United States Olympics that monitors athletes for drug use. I am not Michael Phelps hater in fact I am cheering for him. It is just that young athletes could use a role model unlike one that we have had in years. I would love for Phelps to be looked up to and be proclaimed clean, no if ands or buts. That our youth do not see cheating as their only means of fame or glory. This is a small look into a bigger societal problem, that we are willing to throw our morals out the window in order to make a buck. What happened to ones integrity? Hopefully it is something that can be reborn in sports.
It makes me sick to think I cheered and our country was generally behind people that cheated. Televisions switched from regular programming everytime McGwire got up to plate. There was a sense of unity that brought baseball back to the forefront. We were amazed at the spectacle of one breaking the home run record that had stood for a long time. And now we have rumors that it all happened because of the aid of performance enhancing drugs? If he is clean he needs to step up and declare it. McGwire brought us together and then dropped us like a prom date that was no fun. Though it has been almost ten years it has not been forgotten.
No, not everyone does it.
Yes, you can win without it and it means so much more.
Thrown into the Deep End 